Compassionate Conservatism
I must confess I never quite got what the phrase `compassionate conservatism’ means. So it was interesting to listen to a three hour long `In Depth’ interview on C-SPAN with a Marvin Olasky. He is the inventor of the idea.
It is not that compassion and conservatism cannot go together; just couldn’t see any real world applications. The Katrina disaster would have been a good opportunity to demonstrate how Compassionate Conservatism is supposed to work.
Then I remembered some wrings of Jon Swift . He is much better at explaining conservative thinking than Olasky himself. Compassionate Conservatism means compassion for conservatives. And for no one else.
A conservative in trouble deserves every help we can give him. For example, Paul Wolfowitz is being maligned so unfairly at the World Bank. He deserves our sympathy and full support. All he did was to arrange a cushy job for his girlfriend. Shows what a compassionate guy he is,in fact. And he tried to clean up the rampant corruption in third world countries,while showing compassion for the corrupt dictators who helped in the liberation of Iraq. His wrath was reserved for corruption everywhere else. Musharaff good. Mandela corrupt. A good example of International Compassionate Conservatism.
Another deserving case is Alberto Gonzales. The poor guy got hauled into yet another hearing this week.
“ Mr. Gonzalez, what do you know and when did you forget it?â€
“ I cannot recall when I decided to forget it, Senatorâ€.
We need an exit strategy for Gonzales. He could be appointed a judge on the International Court of Justice. That is where they try war criminals, like Milosevic. Just in case they go after Wolfie and Rummie for torture. Oops, `enhanced interrogation’. Read the memo. We don’t torture. Period. Wouldn’t be compassionate.
That brings to mind Delay and Doolittle. They ran such a compassionate congress. Now Delay is waiting for his trial to start and Doolittle is busy defending himself from raids by the FBI. They need help. Just remembered that Delay was an exterminator before he ran for Congress. How about making him director of the Food and Drug Administration? He would know how to ferret out the rat poison in dog food imported from China. Doolittle should be in charge of the agency that promotes family planning in poor countries. He won’t do much, which is exactly what needs to be done. `Do Little’ should a good slogan for abstinence programs.
How to help Wolfowitz, the most deserving case of all? The stake-holders at the World Bank are out to impale him. Ah! Just heard of a vacant position. Prime Minister of Britain. You heard it here first. The rumor that Tony Blair is about to become President of the World Bank is only half of the story. The other half is that Wolfowitz will be the first Viceroy of Britain.
You might argue that Tony Blair has already been the first Viceroy. A more accurate description would be that Blair was Governor-General. Once Britain officially becomes part of the American Empire, the title changes to Viceroy. From now on, all Prime Ministers of Britain will report directly to the President of the United States, holding concurrently the title of Viceroy of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. We will not interfere with the Royal family though. Useful to have them around, like the Maharajahs of old.
That is when I woke up. Olasky is still droning on. It really is true that C-SPAN was invented for people who find PBS too stimulating.
