Conservatives Rebel In NY Dog Catcher Race
Here in the town of Gananoga, in upstate New York, a dog catcher is just what it sounds like: he (or she, but it has been a he for thirty five years) catches wayward dogs. In most cases, he finds the owner and returns them. Otherwise, it goes to the pound, to be adopted by someone. MacWho, the guy who has held the job these thirty five years, is a dog lover. No one bothered to ask what party he was. But, it appears, he is a registered Republican. In most off-off-years, he would have been re-elected with barely a whimper.
Not this time. Conservatives are angry that tax dollars are being used to feed runaway dogs.
That dog pound is a Socialist paradise for canines
thunders Eric Redbeard, in his blog. Redbeard lives no where near Gananoga. In fact he would not know where Gananoga is if his life depended on it. But where someone is getting fat on Government largesse, Eric finds a cause. He signed up the town whino, Coughman, to run against Joe MacWho. Only Eric messed up: Coughman is the whino from the next town over. In fact, Coughman has not even visited Gananoga for many years.
Still, Joe MacWho would have kept his job if it were not for Gov Sarah. From her Facebook page,
Real Americans know that feeding someone else’s dog with their tax dollars is treason. It is Marxist-Leninist-Fascism. It is Pinochet-style Communism. Vote for Coughman, the true red blood Conservative in Gananoga. He is a fiercely independent self-made man. Also.
Coughman was perplexed by all this. All he remembers is that a tall man in a trench coat offered to buy him a vodka if he will sign a petition. Besides, he is not especially agile. Your poodle will run circles around him. He looked dazed and was last seen wandering off with a brown bag paper bag close to his mouth.
Sarah’s message sparked a stampede of Conservatives rallying to Coughman’s cause. Glenn Beck cried when he spoke of it:
I love this Republic soooo much. I don’t want it taken over by stray dogs. And why should we catch them and house them and feed them? And wait.. I heard that they even give them shots. Vaccinate them at a time when our real American children are going without flu shots. BTW the flu shots are an Obama conspiracy to implant a chip into our kids’ brains.
Fred Thompson was woken up and trucked to Gananoga. His voice boomed
Did you know there’s a Republican running who’s more liberal than the Democrat? He actually feeds those dogs that he catches.
And then he fell asleep.
Michele Bachmann chimed in:
Our guy Coughman will skin the dogs he catches and make a coat out of their fur for me. Now that is the way to rid our nation of anti-American dogs.
The permanent minority leader in the House of Representatives:
I get a Boehner thinking of how this is energizing the Conservative cause
Apparently he forgot that he had endorsed MacWho earlier.
Rick Santorum:
I stepped on something the other day. Dunno what it was but people tell me its called Santorum. I say we execute anyone who doesn’t clean up their Santorums.
Cheney
If Obama had any balls, he would catch stray dogs and watch as his underlings slowly beat them to death. Why is he dithering on this? We kept this nation free of terrorist dogs for eight years.
FOX News is on its way. They would have been there earlier but took the wrong turn and ended up in Vermont. Then got distracted because they heard there is an actual Socialist in Vermont.
As of the last poll, Coughman is leading MacWho by a vote of 32 to 21. Those are not percentages. Actual votes. Politico has said that a victory for Coughman is a rebuke for Obama. Also, it will be the death knell for health care reform. Says their sage:
Voters are nervous about health reform. If they find that dogs in upstate NY are getting free health care at Government expense, there will be a revolt. Blue dogs are watching this election and also yellow dogs.
Liebermann
I think we should go real slow. Is there a dog? How many dogs are there? Let us not vote on the health care bill until we know just what the American people are getting charged for this.
Eric Redbeard, meanwhile, has discovered that there is an export market for dog meat. Apparently, it is quite the delicacy in some parts of the world. He is setting up a company, financed by Roger Ailes, to sell Genuine Upstate New York Hot Dogs in the Far East. Now there is one enterprising conservative.
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