Nothing Good Ever Comes of Great Hair
As soon as I saw a picture of Rod Blagojevitch (back during the Dem Primaries) I knew he was up to no good. This judgement, now vindicated, did not come from deep knowledge of IL state politics. I just knew that someone with such a lush growth of hair on his head had to be a bounder. This would be true even if the hair were fake. Donald Trump. Gary Hart (in the eighties, not now). Bill Clinton. Elvis. All talented people, all got in trouble. What do they have in common? Hair where it is supposed to grow, not on their ear or back.
IL has a second chance now with Patrick Quinn. He is different from Blagojevitch in every possible way.
“He’s the anti-Blagojevich, for sure,” said State Representative Jack D. Franks
You have got to love the guy: NYTimes
Mr. Quinn, 60, can be so unassuming that he watched the inauguration of President Obama in Washington crunched down on his knees so that people behind him could get a better view. When prone to boasting, which is not very often, it can be about miserly stuff, like staying in budget hotels and eating discount meals.
More to the point I am making,
And with a hairline more John Lithgow than Elvis, he does not even look the Blagojevich part.
I propose this as a litmus test in politics, at least for men of a certain age. If you have too much hair on your head, you are automatically disqualified. It does not have to look great to cause trouble: the lush, impressive growth sported by Blagojevitch is the worst kind. Pres. Obama has good hair. But it does not outgrow his face, it does nothing to compete with his impressive ears.
Even without any detailed investigation, you can suspect that VP Biden is a good guy. Just look at the vast reflective surface up top. Rumsfeld has hair good enough to get him in trouble. Paul Wolfowitz loved his hair so much that he made out with it in public::
You just know as you watch this that the guy is a war criminal.
Every rule in politics has an exception. Lincoln alone combined good hair with good political sense. But Honest Abe is an exception to so many other rules. Such as, never trust a lawyer.
I rest my case with one letter: W.
EndNotes
1. Additional evidence suggested by DailyKos commentators: John Kerry, John Edwards, Ronald Reagan, former Rep. John Traficant (R-OH). Also, Gandhi (the Mahtama and Sanjay both, in different ways.)
Any FOX News anchor. Glenn Beck. Sean Hanitty.
2. I refute Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney: they only show that the converse of my thesis is not true. You can be bald and still be an ass. But good hair always equals bad judgement.
3. Hattip sberel@DailyKos
4. Possible explanation:
The Lord only made a few perfect heads. The rest he covered with hair.
5. Garrison Keillor rips into Norm Coleman. Another case in point for my thesis.
Norm is a slick retail campaigner, the grabbiest and touchingest and feelingest politician in Minnesota history, a hugger and baby-kisser, and he’s a genuine boomer candidate who reinvents himself at will. The guy is a Brooklyn boy who became a left-wing student radical at Hofstra University with hair down to his shoulders, organized antiwar marches, said vile things about Richard Nixon, etc. Then he came west, went to law school, changed his look, went to work in the attorney general’s office in Minnesota. Was elected mayor of St. Paul as a moderate Democrat, then swung comfortably over to the Republican side. There was no dazzling light on the road to Damascus, no soul-searching: Norm switched parties as you’d change sport coats.
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