Sarah Palin Resigns As President Effective 2012
Gov. Sarah Palin has a short announcement to make, after which she will be answering your questions.
Hi America, I appreciate speaking directly TO you, over the heads of the Liberal Media. People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing’s more important to me than our troops who are serving so well defending freedom in Kosovo. And it is in honor of those troops that I announce my withdrawal from the Presidential race of 2012.
And you know me by now, I promised even four years ago to show MY independence… no more conventional “politics as usual”. Real winners make up their own rules, instead of playing by the rules or the constitution or whatever you call them over at your Department of Law in Washington. We broke ground on the new prison. The more people we put in jail, the greater our security will be. I can think of one or two reporters I would like to have as guest in our new prison.
Make no mistake about it. I am no quitter. I am a fighter. Which is why I will be resigning as your President effective the year 2012.
Q: If you are quitting the race how can you resign from the Presidency?
A:Again, you are not listening to me. I explained that by quitting I am winning the Presidency. It is only you that play by the old rules who don’t understand that. Look at these fish I have caught. You could not predict which fish I would catch. Or even if I would go fishing today. and yet here they are. Also. I am Head of State as of now.
Q: Governor, with all due respect, you are making no sense. How would you be head of state without being elected? How can you be President till 2012 when Barack Obama’s term does not expire till 2012?
A: Because I plan to resign as President in 2012.
Q: Barack Obama’s term does not end till 2012. So how can you be President before then so you can resign in 2012?
Q: Does the word Honduras mean anything to you?
Q: Are you talking about a coup?
A: That is for me to know and you to figure out. *Wink*. Is that a banana in your pocket or are you really glad to see me?
Q: Which reporters do you mean to see in prison, Governor?
A: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me over all these years.
FOX News What is your favorite color, Governor?
A: In what respect, Charlie? I will have to look up those answers and get back TO YA on that.
Q: Governor, getting back to the matter of the Presidency, can you please clarify?
A: It is simple. The United States purchased Alaska when Lincoln was President. William Seward, providentially saw in this great land, vast riches, beauty, strategic placement on the globe, and opportunity. He boldly looked “North to the Future”. But he endured such ridicule and mocking for his vision for Alaska, remember the adversaries scoffed, calling this “Seward’s Folly”. Seward withstood such disdain as he chose the uncomfortable, unconventional, but RIGHT path to secure Alaska, so Alaska could help secure the United States.
Q: I don’t follow. How does all that make you President?
A:Again. We just turned around and purchased the United States. My last act as member of the Oil and Gas Commissioner, before I quit that job, was to raise the price of gasoline to $1000 per barrel. But the price was kept in super-secret detention until now, and the United States has been accruing a debt to Alaska. Now we have used that to buy the United States. As of now I use my power as head of the Alaska National Guard to declare myself President of these United States.
Q: But the head of the Alaska National Guard is the Governor of Alaska. Even if your purchase of the United States is legitimate, you are no longer Governor of Alaska.
A: If it is not one thing it is another. Never mind.
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